Sometimes I still think about you.

I don’t know how, or why? I don’t know how it is that you came into my life for such a small and insignificant way, and yet I still think about you. More than a year later.

I picture you smiling, laughing, and even smirking. You’re eyes always had a look of mischief, as if you knew a secret that no one else knew.

I still wonder what it would be like if you lived here. Or, if I lived there. I wonder if you would’ve wanted to be with me then. If you would’ve given it a shot.

I like to think distance was the only thing keeping us apart. Kept us from being great together. Of building a life together. But, of that I am never really certain. And I suppose I never will be…

I don't know how life happens for other people, but for me it seems as if my whole life tends to change in just an instance. It seems as if everything unfolds itself in just one day.

A Rhyme or Reason

I will never understand God, and I suppose I'm not supposed to. With that being said, I will never understand how a God that loves the world so much that he gives his one and only begotten son to die on the cross for our sins can also create pain and devastation in our world.

I get that God tests us and tries us in order to determine whether our faith is strong and sound. But what I don’t understand is why he would create a disease, or allow a disease to be created, that would eliminate a person’s sound mind and their ability to truly even have faith.

I also don’t understand why God would put a mere child in a situation in which their faith is going to be crushed. I wonder if there is a rhyme or reason to whom he chooses to put in these situations. I suppose the crux is that only time will tell.

It’s amazing to me how movies and books can elicit such strong and deep emotions. How they can extract an emotion so greatly that sometimes they can recall our own memories. Memories that we’ve long struggled to bury.

And there are those books and movies that elicit this response from everyone. And then there are those that appeal to a particular individual or group of people. How do you explain your reaction/emotion to others when it doesn’t invoke the same response in them?

I am a child of a schizophrenic parent and certain things will always effect me deeply. Seeing a homeless person on the street will always make me sad and wonder what their life could’ve been – what it once was. Watching a movie about a schizophrenic person will always bring back a flood of memories and emotions that I would prefer to keep buried.

The real trick here is how do you explain these emotions/sentiments to others? How do you explain them so that they understand? So that they understand the pain you’re going through. And a whole other perspective on life.

I've blogged now for over five years. Five years is along time. Probably the longest I've done anything fairly consistently. Lately it seems that I find myself with stories and thoughts that I care not to share with the world more and more frequently.

Thus, it is time to start a new blog. One just for me.